60 Asp-olutely Hilarious Snake Puns And Jokes For Kids

Image © Suju, under a creative commons licence.

Looking for some sss-eriously funny snake jokes and puns?

Whether you love or loathe the elongated reptiles, there are endless jokes around destined to put a smile on your family's face. Kids will love them - trust us!

Since the beginning of time, snakes have always cropped up in history and legends as mythological symbols, associated with both good and bad, sometimes they appear as ordinary snakes, and at other times as magical beings. With these 60 jokes, we are focusing on the hisss-terically funny side of these mysterious creatures, with plenty of puns and knock knock laughs. Here's 60 of the best, sure to get you chuckling.

Image © Davy Sim, under a creative commons licence.

These classic jokes are well worthy of a giggle or two. Try your best to memorise your favourite snake joke or snake pun to share with the kids for when they might need a laugh.

1. Which snake is a member of a rock band? A rattlesnake.

2. Why do snakes always measure in inches? Because they don’t have feet.

3. Why don’t snakes like to weigh themselves? Because they have their own scales.

4. How can you rescue a snake that looks dead?  With mouse-to-mouth resuscitation.

5. What do snakes use to shoot something? They use a boa and arrow.

6. What should you do if you see a huge snake sleeping in your bed? Sleep somewhere else.

7. What did the mummy snake say to the baby snake? Please stop crying and viper your nose.

8. What type of snake does a baby like to play with? A rattlesnake.

9 What is a snake's favourite dance? They love the Mamba.

10. What’s subject at school did the snake win an award for? Maths, because it was an adder!

11. What type of letters did the snake get from his admirers? Lots of fang letters!

12. Why are snakes hard to trick? They have no legs to pull.

13. What did the snake say to the loud children at the library? Ssssss.

14. What do snakes have printed on their bath towels? Hiss and Hers.

15. Why did the snake cross the road? To get to the other ssssssssside.

16. Why do snakes like to squeeze their food? Because they don't have arms to hug it.

17. What’s a snake's favourite dance? They love to snake, rattle and roll.

18. What is another word for a python? A mega-bite.

19. How did the snakes escape from prison? They scaled the wall and got out.

20. When is the wrong time to reason with a snake? When it’s throwing a hissy fit.

21. What kind of snake keeps its car the cleanest? A windshield viper.

22. Why should you never use a snake as a boomerang? Because it will always come back to bite you.

Who doesn’t love a classic knock knock joke? Here’s two top knock knock picks.

23. Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Snakeskin.

Snakeskin, who?

Snakeskin bite, but we’d rather run away.

25. Knock Knock

Who's there?

Adder.

Adder, who?

Adder you get in here?

Image © Sandid, under a creative commons licence.

These hilarious combinations will surely have you all sssniggering.

26. What do you get if you combine two rattlesnakes with one magic spell? Addercadabra and abradacobra.

27. What would you get if you cross a newborn snake with a basketball? A bouncing baby boa.

28. What do you get if you cross a baby snake and a hotdog? A fangfurter.

29. What do you get if you cross 100 snakes and a cupboard of food? Snakes and larders.

30. What do you get if you cross a rattlesnake and an aeroplane? A Boeing constrictor.

31. What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent? A snake in the brass.

32. What do you get if you cross a snake and a dessert pie? A pie-thon.

33. What do you get if you cross a snake and a snowman? Frostbite.

There’s always something amusing about a play on words, and fear not, snakes lend themselves to plenty of  funny snake puns.

34. What did the green snake say to the mouse? I am sorry, hiss is the end of the line for you.

35. What did the snake say when another snake asked him the time? Don’t asp me.

36. What’s the name for a snake who works for the government?  A civil serpent.

37. What’s the best thing about a deadly snake? They’ve got lots of poisonality.

38. What do you call a young snake that tells the teacher false stories? A grass snake.

39. What do you call a snake who isn’t wearing any clothes? Snaked.

40. What happens to most people when they see a long snake? They re-coil.

41. What did the snake write at the end of a letter?  With lots of love and hisses.

42. What did the baby snake say when the mummy snake offered everyone a piece of cake? Thanks, I’ll just have a slither.

43. What is a snake’s favourite subject? Hiss-tory.

45. What did the baby snake say to his big brother? “Don’t be such a rattle-tail!”

46. What do you give a sick snake? Asp-rin.

47. What does a well-dressed snake wear? A boa tie.

48. What’s the name for a snake that likes to build things? A boa constructor.

49. What do snakes do after they fight? They hiss and makeup.

50. What do snakes use to cut tracing paper? A pair of scisss-ors.

51. What do you say when taking a selfie with a rattlesnake? This is a missssss-take.

52. In which river can you expect to find lots of snakes? The Hiss-issippi River.

53. Who is a snake’s favourite author? William Snakespeare.

54. What do you call an important royal snake? Sir Pent.

Image © Gayleen Froese, under a creative commons licence.

If you liked the previous snake puns, try and keep your best straight face for these one liners.

55. A snake walks into a shop. The shopkeeper says, “How did you do that?”

56. Two snakes parted. The first one said, “Well, fangs for the memories”.

57. When will the baby snake arrive? I don’t know, but he won’t be long.

58. A lady tried to order an exotic snake online but was surprised to find that when she opened the parcel, it contained only feathered scarves. Looks like the boa cons tricked her!

59. A sheep, a drum and a snake all fell over together. Baaa Dum Tsss.

60. I don't understand why so many people are scared of snakes. They're completely armless.