50+ Best British Jokes, Puns And One-Liners

Some of these hilarious English jokes and jokes about Londoners will definitely knock your socks off!

These jokes about British people will definitely make you chuckle. British humor is popular all around the world due to its self-aware nature, which also lends to the popularity of British stand-up comedy.

If you're somebody who's planning on traveling to the UK soon or currently resides in Great Britain, you will surely love these one-liners and jokes. This comprehensive list includes various London jokes, funny British jokes, England jokes, and England puns. We're sure reading these British jokes and puns is going to be a piece of cake for you!

If you're interested in going through some more amazing puns, make sure to check out country puns and tea puns. 
 

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Here is a list of funny English jokes we are sure you will like! If you really like even one of these English jokes,  you can use it in a variety of settings.  If you like all things British, you can get ready for their subtle humor.

1. What had the English telecom representative said to the man who wanted to describe a nuisance caller? Oh, you again.

2. Why is England described as being a wet country? The Queen has reigned over it for decades.

3. Why doesn't England have a designated kidney bank? They have a Liverpool.

4. What does the Lochness monster call his favorite dish? Fish & Ships.

5. Why doesn't any member of the royal family go to Starbucks? They don't have an option for royal-tea.

6. What does the English owl call his favorite TV show? Dr. Whoot.

7. What do you do after reaching Greenwich? Find something to occupy you in the mean time.

8. How do individuals in Scotland, England, Northern Ireland, and Wales ask each other about their well-being on text? U K?

9. Why did children have to always main a 3-foot distance from English kings? The kings had limited heirspace.

10. Why didn't Frideric Handel shop in London? He had gone Baroque.

11. Why did the woman have a horrible time in London?  She had a horrible heir day.

12. Why did the graduate reminisce his college days in England so fondly? Those were the best of Thames.

13. Why was the pet owner having such a hard time with the puppy he'd just adopted in England? The puppy couldn't be thamed.

14. What had the son said to his mom when she expressed her worry about him going to the Big Ben? It's just the Big Ben, there's no reason to be alarmed.

15. What was the man feeling after he got swindled right under Big Ben? He was ticked off.  

16. What did the English banker say to the river who was looking to open a new account? You can easily bank on me.

17. Why is everybody in London always nearly late? They're always nearly on the Thames.

18. What is the main distinction between ohms and watts? Watts measure energy, while Ohms are the places that Brits reside in.

19. Why was the English man so sad about being in college, so far away from his lover? He couldn't Oxford to see her.

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Here's a list of some hilarious English puns.

20. A pair of English twins loved to play with water while traveling. Their favorite part of summer trips was always Bath time.

21. A man told his wife from Brighton, "You really Brighton up my life".

22. An English detective was running around the country looking for Leeds for his case.

23. A couple was standing under the famous London clock, when the husband asked his wife, "I wish we could have Ben here when it was being built."

24. A group of friends was going around England trying to look for greater theatres in order to recreate their amazing London experience. They were globe-trotting.

25. The English Strait was having a rough month, so his friend suggested that he channel his energy into being productive.

26. Two friends decided to ride around a park for 10 hours straight. After the crazy experience, one of them mentioned "That was a wild Hyde."

27. The English baker was infamous for being a bad musician. He could never play the crumpet really well.

28. Two English fishes were debating how to pay for the lunch they were going to order. Finally, both of them agreed to chip in.

29. The English dessert was really grateful that her friend, the Haggis, was by her side all the time. "Thank you so much for pudding up with my mess!" said the dessert.

30. The chef made sure he took a tour of all the bakeries in England. He didn't want to leave a single scone unturned.

31. The English prince has been having a really hard time coping at school for the last couple of years. He has to appoint a tudor.

32. I want to get the term 'England's Royalty' printed on my hoodie. I think it has a nice ring.

33. English warlords didn't have a lot of choices when it came to their enemies. They could only play the hand that they were celt.

34. My sister just came back from her summer semester in England. She's really austen-tacious now.

35. Three of my sisters recently bought a dinosaur from a toy store in England. They were really adamant about naming it Bronte-sauras.

36. My friend's favorite series is Harry Potter, so she goes to England many times in a year. Fortunately, she is Rowling in money.

37. The last time I talked to my brother he was really sick. I haven't talked to him in a while so I don't know if he is sick Orwell anymore.

38. An English journalist went to the train station to catch his scheduled train at 2 pm when someone accidentally mistook him for a luggage handler. "I can't handle your luggage, I'm only a re-porter", he chuckled.

39. Many British people tend to make pour decisions after going to the pub.

British jokes that are really good, leave a person gobsmacked. I'm sure that you're going to feel the same way about these ones. It's your call, but we definitely think you're going to like these amazing British jokes.

40. What do British people eat in the morning? Cheerios mate!

41. Why do Brits end up losing weight easily? Every time they make a purchase, they lose a couple of pounds.

42. Why are penguins so scared of entering Great Britain? They don't like to go near wales.

43. Why do British people always talk about their finances on the television?  It adds 10 pounds.

44. Is the rumor about British people loving queues true? I'll be the first in line to tell you that it isn't.

45. Where was a bunch of British people attacked by a gang of chickens? Peckham.

46. Why was Sherlock Holmes looking at the Monopoly box with suspicion? He thought a game was afoot.

47. What is London called when it doesn't have any electricity? Londoff.

48. Why did the evil man try to poison the baker and his assistant? He wanted to try killing two Brits with a scone.

49. Why was the tourist getting his eyesight fixed before going to Britain? He wanted to see the London eye.

50. Why shouldn't you argue with someone while riding the London Eye? There's no point, you'll just keep moving in circles.

51. What do you call a London train that is full of lecturers? A tube filled with smarties.

British puns are a crowd favorite among teens and millennials. They are hip, trendy, and hilarious. Check out these great British puns if you love British things.

52. A British man started a locksmith service in July 2020. He named it Surelock Homes.

53. My friend, an ice-cream seller, is obsessed with British rock bands. He even went as far as naming his ice cream shop 'The Rolling Cones'.

54. If they were going to make a British food version of 'Game Of Thrones', they'd name it 'Game Of Scones.'

55. The name of the most famous barber in all of Britain is 'Jack The Clipper'.

56. My friend just invested in a new company that provides haircuts to British people on flights. It's called British Hairways.

57.  My British cousin recently opened up her own fish and chips shop. She named it 'Oh My Cod'.

58. There's a great fish and chips shop in London near King Crustacean.

59. A British fish and an American fish met each other many years later. After their first greeting, the British fish said to the American fish, "I can't believe this is the first time we're going to see each other from across the pond".

Not sure which puns you like the best? We have a great bunch of tea puns lined up just for you.

60. A British man loved to live in fantasy land. The tea he hated the most was reali-tea.

61. My child is wants to give up drinking milk with a dash of tea. I won't let him become a tea-toddler.

62. I only got tea from the grocery store this morning. This confused my British husband since I never get that much tea. So, he asked me what I was going to make for dinner. I replied "Spaghett-tea of course."

63. British ghosts really like drinking tea. Their favorite kind is immortali-tea.

64. If a British person is too relaxed during tea time, they can get injured or die. One should avoid a casual -tea as much as possible.

65. I think it is better to make drinking tea a habit since it provides you with a lot of health benefits. The same benefits are not provided to cough-y drinkers.

66. British people are very artistic, probably because they consume a lot of creativi-tea.

67. You should never question the royal family's tea choices. It is a matter of national sovereign-tea.

68. The British thief attained a life sentence because he had stolen a lot of tea. They pronounced him guilt-tea in court.

69. The biggest concern of the British people during the Boston Tea Party was related to the safe-tea of their cargo.

Last, but definitely not least, here are some tea puns that have been specially brewed for you. We hope you like trawling through these funny jokes on tea and getting as much utili-tea out of them as you can.

70. What tea can a person from Britain not stand? Humidi-tea.

71. What do you give a British person who made a grave error during a match? A penal-tea.

72. Why did the British tea maker deliver the tea packages himself even though he was sick? He was trying to fulfill his due-tea.

73. What was the British tea thinking about when he had an existential crisis? Mortali-tea.

74. Why did the British Air hostess not allow any more tea bags into the plane? They had reached full capaci-tea.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly jokes and puns for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for British jokes then why not take a look at geography puns or, for something different, try alpaca puns.