bob hope

“ I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there. ”

“ The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time. ”

“ I don't know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House. ”

“ The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off. ”

“ A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. ”

“ When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness. ”

“ I don't know what people have against government; they haven't done anything. ”

“ You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. ”

“ Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong. ”

“ My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that? ”