comedians

“ It was difficult, in fact, even to measure maturity among comedians by any of the usual societal yardsticks; certainly, age was not a factor. ”

“ My bank must stop trying to sell me identity theft protection. You know why I expect you to protect my money? Because you're a bank. ”

“ If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone. ”

“ The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people. ”

“ The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They're supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority. ”

“ Before I die, could someone make one more movie I want to go see? ”

“ You can't criticize a governor for not hiring black people for his cabinet when his state has no black people. ”

“ Be honest: It's not a religion; it's just an excuse for a bake sale. ”

“ Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. It's not their field. It's like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies. ”

“ As for the shows, he had suffered only a bit less horribly than the crowds who had had to watch him that weekend-watch him die four slow, painful deaths. ”