eric cartman

“ It's an Afganistan goat, so it can't stay here ”

“ Mom, tell them how everyone in your family was big-boned. Tell them how they were fat, but grew into their bodies when they got older. ”

“ I've had to ride my bike here, my behind is killing me. ”

“ The fireman is very magical. If you rub his helmet he spits in your eye. ”

“ They're not people! They're hippies! ”

“ Your tears are so yummy and sweet. Ohhh, the tears immeasurable sadness! Yummy, You Guys. ”

“ All I think about is the problems our generation is inheriting. Climate change, over fishing, Kyle...I mean, how are we supposed to get happy about anything? ”

“ No dude, independent films are that black-and-white hippie movie. ”

“ Mr. Garrison, why do poor people smell like sour milk? ”

“ Statistically speaking, the most bacteria-ridden place on the planet is the mouth of an American woman. ”