75+ Moira Quotes From The Hilarious Sitcom 'Schitt's Creek'

Moira Rose is the mother from the Rose family.

The Rose family are the central characters of the sitcom 'Schitt's Creek'. The family consists of the father- Johnny, the mother- Moira, and their two children, David and Alexis.

'Schitt's Creek' is one of the today's funniest sitcoms. It starts when the wealthy Rose family loses their fortune and have to move to the town they bought as a joke - Schitt's Creek, as that is the only thing they have left. Moira who used to be an actress, is now in shambles. They move to a motel in the town as their unfortunate lives unfold in front of them. Moira is often melodramatic and seems to love her wigs more than her children, but we still love her. These Moira quotes from 'Schitt's Creek', are just what you need for a good laugh.

If you want to read more funny quotes, check out these articles ['Schitt's Creek' quotes] and 'The Good Place' quotes.

‍

Moira Rose is played by Catherine O'Hara, who perfectly portrays this over-dramatic mother. Even though Moira will hardly be qualified for mother of the year, her character is one of the best in the series. Here are the best quotes by Moira to brighten up your day.

1. "You could be hit by a mack truck or bopped on the head by a tiny piece of space debris."

- Moira Rose, Season Six.

2. "I had just had my eyelashes dyed. Everything was cloudy!"

- Moira Rose, Season Two.

3. "Sorry, David, I had nowhere else to turn. It's probably nothing, but I think I've killed a man."

- Moira Rose, Season Four.

4. "David: Alexis seems to think you like me more.

Moira: Alexis, don't be ridiculous! This is exactly the kind of paranoia that makes me wary of spending time with you."

- Season Three.

5. "I would be pleased to RSVP as pending. Just uh, as soon as I double check, and circle back."

- Moira Rose, Season Three.

6. "Johnny: How did you open the door?

Moira: I threw a shoe."

- Season One.

7. "This wine is awful!"

- Moira Rose, Season One.

8. "You should see my schedule. I'm positively bedevilled with meetings, et cetera."

- Moira Rose, Season Four.

9. "You are blind to reality and for that I am most proud."

- Moira Rose, Season One.

10. "The world is falling apart around us John, and I'm dying inside."

- Moira Rose, Season One.

11. "Oh, be careful, John, lest you suffer vertigo from the dizzying heights of your moral ground."

- Moira Rose, Season Six.

12. "I've been gutted! John, I've been stripped of every morsel of pleasure I earned in this life."

- Moira Rose, Season One.

13. "Gossip is the devil's telephone. Best to just hang up."

- Moira Rose, Season Four.

14. "Fear not, she hath risen!"

- Moira Rose, Season Four.

15. "Oh good, now I see bubbles. David! What does burning smell like?"

- Moira Rose, Season Two.

16. "Let's go. I've had enough waking hours for one day."

- Moira Rose, Season Four.

17. "Is this car your home?"

- Moira Rose, Season Two.

18. "Who put a picture of a ghost on my desk?"

- Moira Rose, Season Four.

19. "John, don't touch her. This is as far as I go, Alexis. One of us has to stay safe for David."

- Moira Rose, Season Two.

20. "David, stop acting like a disgruntled pelican."

- Moira Rose, Season Three.

21. "Your wayfaring thespian has returned!"

- Moira Rose, Season Five.

22. "I am ready for this! Otherwise, the pressure could be crippling."

- Moira Rose, Season Three.

23. "Moira: Well, it's just that you and I have very different comedic stylings, dear. I take a slightly more cerebral approach.

Alexis: Okay, you were the one that described social media as an amusement park for clinical narcissists so, I'm doing you a favor."

- Season Six.

24. "Why must you be so constantly irksome?"

- Moira Rose, Season One.

25. "I may have been wrong. You may have been not wrong. We can position this as a terrifying tale premiering in an equally spine-chilling town."

- Moira Rose, Season Six.

26. "I manned that front desk with the vigor of a wartime radio operator."

- Moira Rose, Season Three.

27. "When one of us shines, all of us shine. That is the meaning of ensemble."

- Moira Rose, Season Three.

28. "Sadly, I won't be able to squire you for today's wedding venue peregrination."

- Moira Rose, Season Six.

29. "The live crows on set welcomed me as one of their own."

- Moira Rose, Season Six.

30. "Who has time amidst all this chaos?"

- Moira Rose, Season One.

31. "I won't wear anything with an adhesive backing."

- Moira Rose, Season Three.

32. "Thank you officer... I promise to keep my husband habilimented from now on."

- Moira Rose, Season Six.

Moira is funny and unapologetic about everything, even her faults! Catherine O'Hara did justice to Moira with her own charms. Here are funny quotes by Moira Rose that will make you laugh until you cry.

33. "Oh, I'd kill for a good coma right now."

- Moira Rose, Season One.

34. "I must say, I didn't like the matchy matchy skirt and blazer! No, she looked like an ageing stewardess from a Latvian airline."

- Moira Rose, Season Two.

35. "Why should I be the only one encumbered with this emotional cargo?"

- Moira Rose, Season Four.

36. "Moira: John, it's an heirloom, my great grandmother took it from her husband when she left him, and it has been passed down through all the women in my family, as emergency currency, in case we need to leave our husbands in the middle of the night.

Johnny: Oh, well, that's reassuring.

Moira: You don't have to worry darling, I'll never need it. But you know Alexis will!"

- Season Two.

37. "A heavy salad might as well be a casserole."

- Moira Rose, Season Three.

38. "Let's all go to bed and pray we don't wake up."

- Moira Rose, Season One.

39. "Alexis: I wasn't bullied.

Johnny: She doesn't mean you, Alexis.

David: Uh, it wasn't that bad.

Moira: That's the heartbreaking part. He was so blissfully unaware."

- Season Three.

40. "What you did was impulsive, capricious and melodramatic. But it was also wrong."

- Moira Rose, Season Two.

41. "Johnny: Your mother and I have been talking and we've come to the realization that we've not been very good parents.

Moira: Sadly, and most of the time, we have no interest in what's going on with you."

- Season One.

42. "David. You are bored, lethargic, and practically dripping with ennui."

- Moira Rose, Season Three.

43. "I've already taken my Christmas pills, and bitter experience has taught me I have just eight minutes to make it safely up the stairs."

- Moira Rose, Season Four.

44. "If airplane safety videos have taught me anything, David, it's that a mother puts her on own mask on first."

- Moira Rose, Season Three.

45. "Grant me this precious moment before there's a ring on your finger - to say chin chin to you and your husband-to-be."

- Moira Rose, Season Six.

46. "Moira: There once was a radiant young actress, who dreamed of having two sons. The second of which would be named Alex.

Alexis: I don't like this story."

- Season Two.

47. "Is 'tests' code for open heart surgery? I once played a nurse on 'M.A.S.H'."

- Moira Rose, Season Five.

48. "Have we failed them, John? I'm worried about our children. Are we terrible parents?"

- Moira Rose, Season One.

49. "We all imagine being carried from the ashes by the Goddess Artemis and here I get a balatron from Barnum and Bailey."

- Moira Rose, Season Six.

50. "John, how was I to know you were in peril? You keep everything inside, like a bashful clam!"

- Moira Rose, Season Five.

51.  "We're all pitching in these days, dear. Like communists or non-union actors."

- Moira Rose, Season Three.

52. "I have lost all my skills. And now I know how it feels to be utterly helpless, like you, and your sister."

- Moira Rose, Season Two.

53. "I'm eating egg whites and hoping the building will collapse."

- Moira Rose, Season One.

54. "This place is almost charming. Very rustic cottage. I was half expecting early Unabomber."

- Moira Rose, Season One.

55. "Well, it sounds to me like you two dodged a bacon-wrapped bullet."

- Moira Rose, Season Six.

56. "I can’t feel my tongue. But I know it’s there because I’m talking."

- Moira Rose, Season One.

57. "Moira: Okay, I've been calling David, and he's not picking up!

Johnny: And what about Alexis?

Moira: There's an idea. Anybody have her number?"

- Season Five.

58. "Alexis something Rose. We have so many disasters bombarding us right now, my dear, the middle name of an ungrateful child is hardly a priority."

- Moira Rose, Season One.

59. "Where is bébé's chamber?"

- Moira Rose, Season Five.

60. "Johnny: Moira, have you seen the kids?

Moira: Whose kids?"

- Season Four.

61. "Moira: You’re the ill one, but I’m feeling this...

Alexis: Maternal instinct, maybe?

Moira: No, that’s not it."

- Season Two.

62. "You are squandering your social capital. A taste-maker like you."

- Moira Rose, Season Three.

63. "Alexis: So you stole my idea, took it to Council, and claimed it as your own?

Moira: Alexis, now is not the time for pettifogging."

- Season Four.

64. "Moira: Oh, I would never just abandon you two in a motel in the middle of nowhere.

David: Didn't you once take the wrong baby home from preschool?

Moira: Alexis looked Chinese as an infant. How many times must I defend myself?"

- Season One.

65. "Children, keep an eye on these bags. Apparently, in hell, there’s no bellman!"

- Moira Rose, Season One.

66. "There’s nothing here but hot singles in my area."

- Moira Rose, Season Three.

67. "Moira: You realize the bébé is crying?

Johnny: I do, yes.

Moira: Isn't it scheduled to be dormant by now?"

- Season Five.

An artist never forgets her art and it couldn't be truer for Moira. Even though misfortune fell on her and her family, she reminisces about her past every chance she gets. Her quotes about acting career will make you love her even more.

68. "The last time I felt this emotionally encumbered, I was playing Lady Macbeth on a Crystal Skies cruise ship during 'Shakespeare at Sea Week'."

- Moira Rose, Season Four.

69. "I can hardly hear you, John! The cheering and accolades are drowning out your gentle voice."

- Moira Rose, Season Three.

70. " I once hosted the non-televised portion of the 'People Choice Awards'."

- Moira Rose, Season Three.

71. "I still hold the record for the longest-running demonic possession on daytime television."

- Moira Rose, Season Five.

72. "I won't wait for anyone's decision."

- Moira Rose, Season Two.

73. "Eva Longoria and I were supposed to perform... I had to be both puppet and puppeteer!"

- Moira Rose, Season Four.

74. "Politics 101, John. It's like that episode of 'Sunrise Bay' when I stole my own bébé."

- Moira Rose, Season Two.

75. "I'll have you know, 'Sunrise Bay' was a coastal community plagued by a centuries-old curse!"

- Moira Rose, Season Three.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for Moira quotes, then why not take a look at ['Brooklyn 99' quotes], or [Broad City quotes].