70 Money Puns That Just Make Cents

Everyone, no matter who they are, worries about money but one should learn to laugh at the things that make them worry.

Saving money is no joking matter. But these money puns and investment puns will definitely lighten up your mood.

Different countries have different values of money. Their values are comparatively different from each other and they all have different names. Coming up with puns with these names is pretty fun and easy, such as puns on 'cents' or 'pennies' or 'cheques', making puns of these just makes cents. So, have a go at our list of funny money jokes and the puns money can't buy.

If you love puns about numbers, we're sure that you're going to be rolling in laughter when you read accounting puns. On the other hand, if you want to read puns that are a little ancient, we recommend history jokes.

These are our funny collection of some of the best puns on money that we have. You can even convert these puns to make a joke on money and say it to your friends for a laughing riot. After all, one can say jokes about money are always rich!

1. The dead man was not living well in the afterlife. He was dead broke.

2. Two pennies met after a long time. So, one penny said to the other penny, "Let's get together and make some cents".

3. The robber decided to take a bath before he stole from the bank. He wanted to make a clean getaway.

4. One day the duck went shopping. After choosing a lot of stuff at the cash register, he said to the guy, "Put it on my bill".

5. A woman decided to go outdoors with her purse open because she expected some change in the weather.

6. The dollar had a baby daughter. He named her 'Penny'.

7. There was once a woman, who was a sorceress and also a millionaire. She was Richie Witch.

8. Money is also called 'dough' because we all knead it.

9. You should never carry two 50 cent coins in your pocket. Two halves always make a hole, and if that happens, you could lose your money.

10. When one penny made a funny joke regarding money, the other penny laughter and said, "Money jokes are priceless."

11. If ever a huge bull charges you, don't panic. Stay calm and pay whatever it wants.

12. Never lend money to an American football player. Sometimes they give you a quarterback and sometimes a half back.

13. People say wallets make a lot of noise. It's because money talks.

14. One day, a penny met with another penny and said, "Hello, I'm 5 cents." The other penny exclaimed, "Hi, I'm 5 cents too. What a coin-cidence."

15. Cats and pennies are very similar. They both have a tail on one side and head on the other.

Here we have some of the smart money jokes and funny puns for you.

16. In our local coffee shop, there's a writing on the tip-jar: "Are you afraid of change? Then leave it here."

17. I was walking outside when I saw a sign that read 'Watch for children'. Upon reading I thought to myself, "That sounds like one fair trade".

18. I won $5 million in the lottery last month, and decided to donate one quarter of it to a charity. Well, now I have $4,999,999.75.

19. There's a big safe company billboard ad in our area. It reads "If your stuff gets stolen, it's not really our vault."

20. A football coach was shouting at a broken vending machine when it took his money. He demanded, "Give me my quarterback".

21. A teacher told one of her students that he needed more sense. So, the student swallowed all his pennies.

22. There was the news about the last balloon company in the city closing. I guess it couldn't keep up with such a high cost of inflation.

23. If you are someone that keeps your money safe in a vase, then you should be really careful. No one should know about your hard urned money.

24. I saw a farmer feeding money to his cow. I guess he wanted to get some rich milk.

25. The moon and dollar note have one similarity: both of them have 4 quarters.

26. Recently a lot of memos of Einstein got sold at around a million dollars each. They were noteworthy.

27. Sometimes a female deer needs money. Mainly, when she doesn't have a buck.

28. A man got a big bill from his electric company. When he saw it, he was shocked.

29. If you wish to get rich, you should keep your mouth shut. It's because silence is golden.

30. A dime isn't worth as much today as it used to be. It's because dimes have changed.

31. The world's first stockbroker was Noah. Noah floated his stock when the world was in a form of liquidation.

32. A guy borrowed some money from my friend Ali and wasn't paying any back. So I told him to "Pay alimony".

33. I've been raising money to buy a new pet hedgehog by selling stock. My hedge fund is getting pretty big.

34. In the derby, there was a horse from the Himalayas that was running. And I had bet my money on it. I just had the feeling that he was a good horse Tibetan.

Here's a list of some funny finance jokes that you'll love.

35. The safest place for a penguin to keep her money is in a snow bank.

36. The cows at the farm didn't have any money. The farmers always milked them dry.

37. I was thinking of borrowing some money from our neighborhood leprechaun. My friend said that I couldn't because they're always a little short.

38. A mother gave her kid some money and said it was for lunch. So, at lunch time, the kid ate the dollar bill.

39. Fishes keep their money safe in a river-bank.

40. I was driving and saw an advert that said, "Hairpieces from $5". Seeing it, I thought to myself, "well, that's a very small price toupee".

41. I saw my nephew put his money inside the freezer. I guess he just wanted some cold hard cash.

42. I saw a skunk trying to count how much money it had. There wasn't much. It just had one scent.

43. In the market, I saw some crabs buy things. When the cashier asked them to pay for their things, they gave their sand dollars.

44. Not all dogs have money. But a bloodhound does, because he can always pick up scents.

45. One day a skunk got arrested for counterfeiting. He got caught because he was giving out bad scents.

46. Trees already have a safe place to hide and keep their money. They keep it in branch banks.

47. Sometimes a male deer also needs money. It's probably when he doesn't have any doe.

48. The best place for hogs to keep their money safe is in the piggy banks.

49. I remember the time when I was in so much debt, I couldn't even afford my electricity bills. That was a dark time.

50. A colleague of mine had lent some money to a bison. I called it buff-a-loan.

51. Pennies that get involved in any crime go to a penny-tentiary.

52. There was a ​sad-looking toucan sitting outside our home. I decided to ask why he was so sad. He told me he was sad about his large bill.

53. In England, if you have to pay money to live inside a toilet, then you can just tell people that you are a loo-tenant.

54. Making money in the dog exercise business is a walk in the park.

55. The Dracula had been searching for a safe place to keep his money. His friend suggested a blood bank.

Check out these money jokes that are mainly of cash and cheque puns.

56. There's a country that does not accept credit cards or any cash. It's the Czech Republic.

57. There was a video recording of Johnny Cash singing. It had good harmoney.

58. Some people say I'm very good at making pictures of cash. The reason is, I have made quite a lot of money drawings.

59. My friend was moving into a different building and he forgot that he kept a secret stash of cash in the toilet cistern. Well, in the end, he just ended up throwing all of his money down the drain.

60. I accidentally dropped some cash inside the washing machine. Now, I'm afraid that I will get caught for laundering money.

61. Susan wanted to make some money by selling cookies, but the cookies didn't end up cooking all the way. It was a half-baked attempt at making some dough.

62. An Australian chess master went to a restaurant and ordered some food. After finishing his food, the waiter came and asked him "Credit or cash, sir?" He replied, "Cheque, mate"

63. I'm thinking of coming up with another name for cash machines. But I can't think of anything ATM.

64. I decided to invest all my spare cash in an origami business. It wasn't fruitful so it folded.

65. Europeans don't like to pay with cash. They have lots of Czechs

66. A man went to buy an electric car and wanted to use cash to pay for it. The salesman said he couldn't and he'd have to charge him credit.

67. I had to quit my job at the farm because my boss said he'd pay me with vegetables and fruits, instead of money. Well, the celery was absolutely unacceptable.

68. A man went to buy some clothes. After he paid for the clothes with cash, the salesman asked him, "Do you need change, sir?". Hearing, the man said, "no I'll change at home".

69. I lost my belt yesterday and as I was a little short on cash, I decided to make a new belt out of old watches. But that didn't work out. Such a waist of time.

70. My brother always keeps some money inside of his phone cover for emergencies. You know, just in case.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully collated together a bunch of great family-friendly puns for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for money puns, then why not take a look at computer jokes, or for something different take a look at winter jokes.