tv shows

“ I'm a terrible salesman, and I haven't been making very many sales lately...or ever. This is my only idea on how to turn things around. If it goes badly, I might lose my job, which would suck, because this is the only job I've ever been good at. ”

“ The male is a funny species. We don't just tell each other how we feel. ”

“ A word of advice, speaking as a former baby. Don't get too hung up on baby names. ”

“ Oh, speaking of time machines, I just got back from the future, and I went to your funeral and guess what? Nobody came. ”

“ I graduated in four years, I never studied once, I was drunk the whole time, and I sang in the a capella group ”

“ Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them. Or he quits them because they are unfair. ”

“ Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful, even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes. ”

“ I went to Cornell. You ever heard of it? ”

“ I get super flexible when I'm nervous. ”

“ I guess I don't have what it takes to be a film critic. I could be a food critic...these muffins taste bad. Or maybe an art critic...that painting is...bad. ”