70+ Coffee Jokes That Are Espresso-Ly Funny

Coffee is one of the world's most famous beverages alongside tea.

Coffee was first found in Yemen in the 15th century. Coffee acts as a stimulant as it contains caffeine.

Coffee is obtained from coffee beans. Collecting and preparing these beans before they end up in your cup as a beautifully aromatic drink is a long process. They are usually roasted before being finely ground to make the coffee powder. Coffee is liked by people in different varieties like instant coffee, black, espresso, etc.

If you are interested in more such jokes and puns, take a look at Matcha Puns and Coffee Puns.

Here you'll get a joke about coffee or two that are latte jokes, espresso jokes, and some decaf coffee jokes, too, to wake you up in the morning with a whole lot of laughter.

1. What is the best way to describe a coffee that is very sad? We call it despresso!

2. Which song by The Beatles is great to listen while having coffee? It definitely has to be 'Latte Be'!

3. What did the coffee maker reply when the customer said that the coffee tastes like dust and dirt? The coffee maker replied, "It probably is, as it was ground this morning".

4. What special method did Moses do while making his morning coffee? Hebrews it!

5. What did the coffee addict name his son? He obviously named him Joe!

6. Why is divorce a lot similar to coffee? Because, like espresso, it is very bitter!

7. Why did the hipster always burn his tongue while drinking coffee? Because he always drank it before it was cool!

8. Which place do all the birds go to if they want to have some lovely coffee in the evening? The birds go to the Nest-cafe!

9. What did the caffeine addict tell her therapist about her condition? She said, "It's not a problem with coffee. It's a problem without it"!

10. Why was the coffee afraid of going out on the lonely street at night? Because he is always getting mugged!

11. What did the efficient employee of the office say when the internet asked him about his secret? He said, "Coffee helps me stay in the grind".

12. What did the rude boss say to his junior when the latter gave him a business suggestion? He said, "The only difference between your opinion and coffee is that I asked for the coffee"!

13. What is the favorite magic spell of coffee? It definitely is Espresso Patronum!

14. Why did the coffee visit the police station and file a report? Because he was mugged by a barista!

15. What does a computer programmer do when he craves a caffeine intake? He simply installs Java on his laptop!

16. How did the coffee laugh when it visited a stand-up comedy show? It laughed like brew-hahaha!

17. How did the male coffee express his feelings to the female coffee? He went to her and said, "Do you know, I have been thinking a latte about you".

18. Why do people often refer to coffee as mud? It is probably because it was ground a couple of moments before!

19. Why are the majority of the best coffee shop and coffee makers Italians? Because all Italians know very well how to espresso themselves!

20. How do the coffee parents punish their naughty kids? The parents always grounded the kids when they created mischief!

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Here we have some funny coffee names and funny coffee jokes, Starbucks jokes, funny barista jokes, and some cafe jokes to help you run through the day with a latte of energy and laughter.

21. Why is the best coffee often made by Jewish coffee makers? Because as per the Torah, it is best when Hebrews!

22. Why did the coffee chef of the best coffee shop in town visit the police station? As expensive coffee mugs were stolen from the cafe, the chef went to identify some of the mug shots!

23. Why did the crazy couple divorce over a cup of bad coffee? Because the couple thought it is quite appropriate grounds for divorce!

24. What do people experience while visiting a cafe that they might have visited before? It is called déjà brew!

25. What did the male coffee bean say to his wife on Valentine's day? No matter what I say, I am unable to espresso my love for you!

26. What is the best way to describe a cup of coffee that one can enjoy during work? It definitely has to be break fluid!

27. What did the police say when a coffee bean fell from the desk to the floor? The police said, "She passed away without pain. It was instant!"

28. Which Star Wars character is known to be an obsessive coffee addict? It definitely has to be Java the Hutt.

29. What type of coffee was served to the passengers who were on-board on the Titanic? It was Sanka!

30. How did the Brazilian coffee bean greet the Indonesian coffee bean when he met him after many years? He said, "Hi, dear friend, what is Sumatra with you?"

31. What kind of precautions do cafes tell their customers to adhere to? The signs read, 'Before you take a cup of hot coffee, always keep safe-tea with you!".

32. Why was the man always worried about a cup of coffee that cost just 5 cents? He was worried that it might be a very cheap shot!

33. Which is the favorite song for all coffee beans of the iconic band 'Led Zeppelin'? It probably is 'Whole Latte love'!

34. What is the best way to describe the first floor of a factory where beans are grinded? It is called the ground floor!

35. Why is it advised not to discuss business deals and propositions in calm accompaniment along with coffee? Because it can turn into a heated and strong debate!

36. Why does an espresso always keep looking at his watch? It is probably because he was pressed for time!

37. When having her coffee, how much sugar does Lady Gaga put in her coffee? None. She likes it 'Raw, raw, raw, raw, raw!'

38. What did the ardent coffee lover name her two pet dogs? She named them Cream and Sugar!

39. Why was the man happy when he bought himself a top high ranged coffee maker online? Because it had a lot of perks in it!

40. Why was the boy upset when he went to a cafe and ordered a coffee to go? Because the coffee stood up and went away!

In this list, there's a joke on how you take your coffee, some cute and sharp coffee puns and jokes, caffeine jokes, black coffee jokes, coffee shop jokes that'll make you crave for the beverage.

41. While buying coffee, what kind of currency do astronauts use in space? They use Star-bucks!

42. Why was the man upset when he was given a hot drink? Because it was definitely not his cup of tea!

43. Why was the young man who had the job of making coffee in the good cafe fired? Because he came to work wearing a tea-shirt!

44. Why did the man run back home after he left for work drinking a mixture of black coffee and Red Bull? Because he realized that he left home for work without his car!

45. Why, even though Starbucks is ridiculously overpriced, do they still get away with any hassles? It is simply because, for everything, they have Italian titles!

46. What did the doctor advise the coffee addict? He said, "Take care of your health as drinking espresso can cause a whole latte problem for your body".

47. How did the husband coffee bean propose to his wife on Valentine's day? He said, "You are brew-ti-ful, my love! No word is enough for me to espresso how much you bean to me."

48. What is the best way to compliment your partner? You can say, "I can definitely say that we are just the perfect blend".

49. What did the boy coffee say to the girl coffee when he went on a spree of buying expensive things? He said, "Thank you for keeping me grounded. We probably didn't need those gadgets anyway".

50. How does a wonderful husband coffee bean greet his wife? He simply says, "You mocha me feel great and happy every day of my life".

51. What is the best way to greet your partner after a long tiring day at work? You say, "Here you go, I brewed a fresh pot of coffee espresso-ly for you".

52. While out partying the whole night, what is the best song that a coffee sings on karaoke every time? The coffee most definitely sings 'Hit Me With Your Best Coffee Shot'.

53. For every ardent coffee lover, which is the best Bob Marley song? It probably is 'Don't worry, be Frappe'!

54. What type of coffee did King Henry VIII like the most? He most definitely loved the de-cap!

55. What is the best slogan which a barista says to all of their employees? Wake Up. Rise and grind, rise, and grind!  

56. What did the teenage coffee beans say to one another on their night out? They said, "Hey, why don't we stir up some trouble tonight?"

57. What kind of exercises and workouts does a coffee bean love doing the most every time while hitting the gym? It definitely is the French press!

58. What happened when the lawyer got worried about his all-important court case in the morning and forgot to use the coffee filter? There was some brewing, but the coffee did have lots and lots of grounds to appeal!

59. What is the favorite movie of all time for coffee beans? The Lord of the Beans!

60. Which horror TV series is most popular amongst teenage coffee? It is 'Coffee, the Vampire Slayer'.

61. What is the best way to call a cow that just gave birth to a baby cow? It is de-calf-inated!

62. What is the opposite of coffee? It's sneezy.

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Finally, here are some cappuccino jokes, coffee bean jokes, and morning coffee jokes to wake up that morning coffee humor.

63. Knock! Knock!

Who is there?

Honey bee.

Honey bee who?

Honey bee a dear and gimme a cup of coffee.

64. Knock! Knock!

Who is there?

Sherwood.

Sherwood who?

Sherwood like a hot cup of coffee.

65. Knock! Knock!

Who is there?

Sid.

Sid who?

Sid down and drink a cup of coffee.

66. Knock! Knock!

Who is there?

Wool.

Wool who?

Wool you bring me some cold coffee?

67. Knock! Knock!

Who is it out there?

Sweden.

Sweden who?

I Sweden my coffee when I drink it.

68. Knock! Knock!

Who is it out there?

Dawn.

Dawn who?

Dawn bother me till I've taken my coffee.

69. Knock! Knock!

Who is it out there?

Sweden.

Sweden who?

Norway, I want my coffee black.

70. Knock! Knock!

Who is there?

Abraham.

Abraham who?

Abraham cracker and some milk are what I want with the coffee.

71. Knock! Knock!

Who is there?

Goat.

Goat who?

Goat to the shop and bring me some milk.

72. Knock! Knock!

Who is there?

Esme.

Esme who?

Esme coffee ready or not?

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly jokes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for Coffee Jokes then why not take a look at Tea Puns, or Boba Puns.